When did we all get so impatient? Or is it just me? No matter how many times God has taught me that my life is in His hands and it is all in His timing, still I wonder. I wonder why I haven't heard back on a job I'm not even really sure I want. I wonder what I should be doing to increase my writing even though it was only a few weeks ago that God showed me it was my purpose. I wonder when we will hear news about a business my husband is working on, even though we decided we wouldn't make any decisions until after today. I wonder when (and sometimes if) God will completely erase my cancer.
I feel a small sense of pride that I didn't write "worry" instead of "wonder". Because that is a step in the right direction for me. But still, me wondering is closer to the worry end of the spectrum that I'd like it to be. It's like I've given each of the above scenarios up to God, but NOT completely. I've taken nine fingers off of each thing, but still have one finger touching the issue in case I should be doing something to "help" Him. Like, maybe I should reach out to the recruiter to check on my application. Or maybe I should contact the woman who said she'd possibly help me with my writing career. Or maybe I should be online looking for new/different/additional treatment options. Or maybe I should text my husband and ask him if he has any news.
But if I did any of those things, would I honestly change the outcome? The answer is obviously no, I KNOW that. No matter what I do, I do not have control over a promotion or my husband's business or my cancer, etc. So, if I know that, why can't I just sit back and let each scenario play out? It means I'm basically talking out both sides of my mouth. I say that I trust God implicitly with my life, but on the other hand, I feel like he needs JUST A LITTLE bit of help from me. Like, if I just give Him a hand, it will all come together quicker, better, easier. But it won't....I just get in His way.
This morning when I was driving into work, I started thinking about what I was going to give up for Lent. Last year I tried giving up Facebook and that was an utter failure. The year before was sweets and for those who know my love of chocolate, you will know it had the same outcome. So I started taking inventory of my life and what needed the most work. And I realized I didn't need to give up something, I needed to stop something. I needed to stop trying so hard to help God with my life.
Just at that moment, I heard something on the radio: "God's got this". And I knew that needed to be my mantra for the next 40 days. So simple, yet so complicated. So much easier said than done. But I decided it was short and sweet enough for me to repeat. To repeat when I find myself wondering or worrying about what the future holds. To repeat when I find myself trying to interfere or get in His way. To repeat when I am scared or afraid or nervous or anxious. To repeat when my mind is racing over the stupid minutiae of life.
So, if you see me muttering something and worry that I'm talking to myself, I probably am. I'm telling myself: "God's got this". Because He does. No matter how I may get in the way. And hopefully 40 days of repeating this will pound it into my thick skull.
What, if anything are you guys giving up? How about stopping something instead?
God bless each and everyone of you today. Remember: He's got this day in His hands.
