For those of you unaware, I've been dealing with some tummy issues lately. A week ago I went to the nearby walk in clinic and they said it was diverticulitis. However, after a week of still constant nausea and pain, I decided it was time to see the gastro. I needed to know if we were dealing with more than that since I wasn't really getting better. Going into the visit, I knew they would probably want to do a CT scan and I had already looked up the probable cost. I was dreading that far more than the doctor visit.
Sure enough, the doc ordered the test and I went over to imaging. When I found out the actual cost, I was ready to say "no, just forget it." To say I stress over money would be an understatement. I joked with my husband today that they need to make a pill for that but it would probably cost a fortune. :-) Anyway, I was told my co-pay and I said I wouldn't do it. I called my husband and told him I didn't want to do it because of the cost. His response: "so you're just going to writhe around on the floor in pain the rest of our lives?" Yes, he is definitely the sane one in our relationship. I handed over my credit card and preceded to wait until I was called back.
During my wait, I had time to think about my instant reponse. It wasn't like I thought for a few minutes and said "nah, I don't want to spend that money." It was immediate, a visceral reaction. Like, "no way. Can't do it. End of story. Can I please go home now?" My mind started to think back to something I wrote last week on Facebook. If Alex needed that CT scan, would I have even hesitated? I still would have stressed over the expense but I never would have dreamed of saying no to the test. For Alex, I would have spent the money without hesitation.
As my mind wandered down this path, I recalled some of the comments I received about how I needed to take care of myself just the same way I would take care of Alex. Because if I don't, then I might not be here when he needs me. Thank you, by the way, to all those that helped me see the light. It may not have sunk in a few days ago, but it really sank in today.
And it's a good thing too, because while I was waiting for the scan, I got a call from my oncologist. Coincidence? Not a chance. God had written this story long before today. So, I answered the call as I'm drinking the wonderful medicine for my scan. She preceded to tell me about a medication she had been reading about that might be helpful in halting the growth of my cancer cells. There have been only a few trials, but the results for patients with lung cancer have been very encouraging. She told me she knew I wanted to take a break from treatments, but this was too exciting for her not to bring it up. In my head I'm thinking, "Okay, I just might give it a try. What do I have to lose?"
Until she told me the cost. See, it's not covered by insurance, there is no patient assistance program and the total cost is $15,000 for three treatments. Not only that, the treatment would be at MD Anderson in Houston, Texas. So, I'd have to fly three different times from Birmingham to Houston. Therefore, my answer turned to: "nope, can't do it. Not happening. Thanks for looking into it for me, but there's no way for us to come up with that money." To which the doctor replied: "what would you do if your son had cancer and this was an option to save his life? What would you do?" I told her I would throw my pride out the window and go door to door begging for money if I had to. No matter what, I would find that money. She told me to think about what I just said and give her a call back tomorrow.
And so there I sat, wondering which was going to win out - my pride or the need to try every last possible option to save my life. After much thought, I decided I needed to get rid of that stupid pride and ask for help. Sure, I've sworn for three years that I would never ask for help with the medical bills. I have always found a way to cover them, even though some days I worried about how I would. I prided (there's that word again) myself on finding a way each time I was up against a a drug or surgery or treatment I didn't think I could afford. And if it wasn't financially feasable, I just said no.
But this time, I won't be able to find an extra $15,000. There's no company for me to bully to get it covered. It's a trial so insurance won't pay for a dime. And so I'm stuck. But today being stuck is turning out to be a good thing. Because it made me realize I don't WANT to give up. I think I was there for awhile, but this situation has kicked me back into high gear. I need to try this. Even if it ends up not working, I need to be able to tell my son that his Mommy did EVERYTHING she possibly could to kick cancer's butt.
So, I did the thing I swore I would never do. I created a Go Fund Me page. And I set a goal. And I'm asking for help in coming up with the funds for this treatment. Please, please, please know that I don't expect anything. I understand we are all hit from 8 bazillion different directions with people asking for money. If you are unable to help out, I COMPLETELY understand. I only ask you to donate if you feel led to. Think about it, pray about it. If you are not in a financial situation to help, maybe you could share the page....If you don't feel comfortable doing that, I ask for your prayers. Please pray that God will provide....as He has each time before.
God bless each and every one of you. Thank you!
http://www.gofundme.com/t3hcmw
