A little over six years ago I was at the doctor's office, consulting about what we needed to do to have a baby. I was telling him how stressed I was about turning 35 and not yet being a Mom. So many of the statistics showed that if you didn't have a baby before then, your odds significantly dropped and the chances of the child having problems went up. I told him that if we didn't get (and stay) pregnant by that day, I was going to stop trying.
I remember clear as if it was yesterday what he said. He asked me: "what do you think happens? That the angel-of-35 flys over your door, waves a wand and says 'poof now you're 35 and can't have children'? And just the way he asked it broke the tension and I broke into laughter. I got his point and knew in a way that he was right. But still, it had been a long road up until that point and I didn't think I could do it much longer. So, I set a deadline of my 35th birthday. I prayed to God and asked Him to make me a mother before then. And decided that if He didn't answer my prayer, we would look at other opportunities. Many of you know the rest of the story...the Friday before my 35th birthday (which was the next Wednesday), I found out we were pregnant with Alex. And I was given the greatest birthday present of all.
This morning I was trying to share that story with Alex (in five year old terms) and he asked "why do you think God waited until then? Was it because you told him that date?" I'd never asked myself that question so I had no answer for him. I floundered a bit and told him that it was just God's plan and we didn't always understand His timing.
That got me started thinking...and maybe it was thinking I should have done a long time ago. See, I have disliked birthdays for a long time....since my early 20's. There are lots of reasons why, but that's not really important. The fact is that I dread them. I find myself getting really cranky the week before it's coming up. Even knowing this, I can't seem to stop the moodiness. I normally just try wishing the day away and being happy when it's over. I noticed this again a couple days ago and tried talking myself out of it. Telling myself how blessed I am and that a birthday is not something to dread.
But it took that conversation with Alex this morning to get me to see how much I should LOVE my birthday. I was giving the most amazing gift six years ago and I should be celebrating THAT gift every year. Even if I don't want to celebrate getting older, I should be reminding myself of that feeling I had. Of being ecstatically happy and excited beyond belief. Of how God blessed me and answered my prayer. Do I know why He decided to make it my birthday present? I think I do now.....because He knew how much I disliked May 14th, how much I dreaded the day and how much I just waited for it to be over. He gave me something that would make me appreciate and celebrate the day.
So, starting today, I will have a different attitude about this day. I will remind myself that I have been incredibly blessed and this is a day to celebrate those blessings, not a day to dislike. Therefore, if any of you notice me getting cranky, moody, ornery, depressed, etc around my birthday, you have my full permission to smack me upside the head and remind me of this blog. :-)
Thanks to everyone of you who already have helped make this day even more special. I appreciate all your call, texts and messages. Love to all!
