Three miracles....it's a lot to live up to. And I have to be honest - I have been feeling unworthy. I just can't wrap my head around why God would give them to me; little ol' me, someone who hasn't done anything truly special. Seriously people, I haven't cured cancer, I haven't given fantastic speeches, I haven't brought thousands of people to Christ, I haven't invented anything. I'm just ordinary, run of the mill me.
I don't say that as a way of putting myself down. It's not a lack of self esteem here (okay, maybe a bit), but I'm not anywhere near the category of Martin Luther King, Jr, Gandhi, Thomas Eddison, Albert Einstein or Mother Theresa. And since I find myself wondering "why me?" so often, I tell myself it's for what I'm GOING to do. Ahah! But that presents another problem cause it creates just a tad bit of pressure. If these miracles are for "future performance", I think I better hurry up and do something great before others start wondering "why me" as well.
Bear with me a second here.....I know none of my close friends and family members will EVER admit it, but it HAS to run through some of your minds "why her"? I don't say that at all as an accusation, but how can it not. Pretend for a second that you don't know me. Pretend you hear from a friend about this girl who went to a prayer and healing service after being told she would never have children. Then bingo, four weeks later she finds out she's pregnant. Then three years later she's diagnosed with cancer and bingo, the cancer is miraculously gone the weekend before her planned double mastectomy. Then that cancer comes back and she is given ANOTHER miracle where it is just gone in the span of four weeks with no treatment. Wouldn't you expect this person to be someone extra special? Well, I have to admit that I would. Maybe that's not very Christian of me, but in the back of my mind, in a place I wouldn't want to really face, I would be thinking: "wow, this girl must be amazing."
However, that girl is me. So, I have to come to terms with that question and also come to terms with accepting those miracles. It's a tough crossroad to be at. And since I have no idea what the future holds and what great things I MIGHT do, I have to live with being good enough today. And creating a life that shows God I am so appreciative of His gifts. But it still leaves me with "now what"?
And that question brought me back to Sunday School a few weeks ago. We were talking about making a change in the world and how you need to have a lot of money to inflict change. That in order to get enough power to make significant changes in our society, you have to be pretty wealthy. And with my wide-eyed naïveté, I disagreed. I stated that we can ALL make a change just by the way we treat others on a daily basis, by how we show God's love. I was speaking specifically that day about how great of an impact our small church has made on Alex. But with my "now what" question continuously going through my head, maybe I already have my answer from that day.
Maybe the answer is to be the best version of ME I can be. To take each day and make a POSITIVE impact on everyone I come in contact with. To take EACH opportunity given to show God's light through me. I know, it sounds incredible basic and a little bit childish. Like the kid's song "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."
Just think about the number of people we all come in contact with. Our spouses, kids, co-workers, friends, church members, grocery store clerks, etc. If I make an effort each day to make their day a little brighter, then each of them might have a better day. And in turn, each of them may brighten someone else's day, etc, etc. Yes, I know it's incredibly basic. But it's all I have right now. If I can't invent the perfect fat burner (kidding....partly) or write a sermon that brings thousands to God right now, I can definitely try and make the world around me a better place. And maybe I won't ever do something huge and great. Maybe I won't ever be remembered by thousands for anything special.
But when things looked really bleak and my mind would wander to "what do I want on my
tombstone?", it was the basics: 'Loved wife, mother and friend'. And since I'm already those three things, maybe it's as simple as being the best wife, mother and friend I can be. And let THAT be my greatness. Let those things be how I'm remembered when I do finally leave this earth. And until (or if) The Lord shows me something else He wants me to be doing, I will just perform those roles to the best of my ability. And it helps that I already know how to handle those jobs....now I just need to take each day as it comes and be the best ME I can be. Maybe it truly is THAT simple.
God bless you all and thank you for reading.
