Almost from the time Alex was born it's like the world has been prepping him for kindergarten. Kind of like when I was growing up, the world was prepping me for college. But these days, you have to start a lot earlier I guess. I was told how important it was to get him into the right preschool so they would get him prepped for "real school". Then on the first day of pre-K, I was told by his teacher "they won't let him get away with that in Kindergarten." I looked at her with shock and thought "that is almost a year away." It was like he was supposed to be ready, even though I thought the point of pre-K was to prepare him. Guess I was wrong....
Along with this prepping him for Kindergarten, I was told about "writing the letter". This was a letter that I should write that explained his personality, his behavior, sord of like an 'introduction to Alex'. I was told this was super important because it would help him get the right Kindergarten teacher. From the time he was about 3 1/2, I was mentally preparing this letter in my head. I bought into how important it was because he is so hyper and let's be honest - there is no other child quite like Alex. I love him more than life itself, but even I know he is quite a handful. And it takes a certain person to be able to handle his energy and keep him in line. So, definitely I had to write that letter.
Even with all this 'prepping', I didn't find out about Kindergarten registration until about two weeks beforehand. And it was going to take place one day after we were returning from vacation. So, I started filling out forms, getting copies made, retrieving his social security card and birth certificate from the safe deposit box (because those things can not be kept in a safe - yes, Matt, I am poking fun at you). I had my pile all ready for when we got back from Florida. I was proud of myself for being uber-organized.
The day of registration went fine, other than Alex being super shy and not wanting to enter the building. But we got through it. I'd remembered every form, every proof of residency, every check I'd needed to write. Or so I thought....
When I got home, I talked to one of my best friends and she asked if I had remembered to turn in "the letter" with my forms. And it hit me like a ton of bricks - how did I forget to write the darn letter? I'd thought about that &*^% thing for two plus years! Then began all the questions in my head: what do I do now? Do I write the letter and see if I can still turn it in? Will it look worse to the administration if I tried that? At this point would it even be read? For days I went round and round and round. Until life took over and other things consumed my brain. From time to time I would remember that I hadn't written the letter and I would sit down and start a draft. But I could never figure out what to say. I didn't want to paint Alex as a "bad child" and have a teacher be turned against him from day one. But I also didn't want to paint him as the "perfect child" because I know he's not - none of them are.
So, I ended up never writing the letter. About a month had passed since registration and I decided at that point it was just too late and I needed to accept whatever teacher he got. It was as if God was telling me to "be still" and wait on Him. Through the next couple of months, I kept being reminded of another time in my life where he was telling me the same thing. A time where I needed to do nothing but be patient and turn it over to Him.
When Matt and I were going through fertility treatments, there were a million different things to test, check, watch, research, etc. In some ways that helped me through the pain of it all because it kept my brain occupied. But in other ways, it kept me so busy that I wasn't turning it over to God. I was trying to control each and every single solitary detail on my own. I remember being out to lunch with a friend and telling her I needed to stop at the drugstore. (Forgive the upcoming TMI but I couldn't figure out how to tell this story without the one detail). I wanted to stop and get an ovulation testing kit that the doctor's office had recommended. Even though I was being heavily monitored by their office, there were certain things I could be watching at home. So, after lunch, we swung by the drugstore. We went inside together, went to the aisle and I just stood there, staring at the shelf. I felt REALLY anxious inside, couldn't make a decision and told my friend "forget about it. I'll just get one on my way home."
After work that evening, I was driving home and I can remember this clear as if it just happened. I needed to go straight to head to the drugstore and turn right to head home. I sat at that stop sign so long that the person behind me honked. I just couldn't make myself go straight. It was like the car wouldn't go in that direction. So, I turned right, went home and felt an amazing sense of peace for that evening. I decided I would not be buying anymore of those kits and I needed to let it go. I couldn't plan every detail because it wasn't MY plan, it was HIS. It was the next week that I learned about the prayer and healing service at the church. And it was three weeks after that when we learned we were pregnant with Alex. To this day, I count that moment as instrumental in my journey. My journey of turning my life over to God. Have I tried to take it back a thousand times since? Yes. It's been a push-pull ever since. I won't say I'm perfect in this area by any means, but I can honestly say I try. I try to remember that moment when I did nothing and it turned out perfectly. I try to remember that God didn't need my help AT ALL. Alex is proof of that.
Fast forward to this past Tuesday. Alex and I go to the Elementary school to re-register him and get the name of his teacher. As soon as we walk out the door, I send a teacher-friend from the same school a Facebook message. She messages back quickly to tell me it's a good fit and we'll love her. One of my best friends asks her teacher friend what she thinks. She writes back "That is a great fit. She's sweet, funny and a great teacher!" I posted on a Chelsea website about what teacher your child got and here are some of the responses I received on that site: You will love her, She's an amazing teacher, My little girl loves her, She's so sweet, She's great and fun with the kids, She is incredible, She is wonderful."
Of course, with each message, my sense of peace kept rising. It was like a warm, comfortable blanket being draped over my body. And in my mind, that feeling was directly from God. Him telling me that He had it under control from the beginning. That I did the write thing by NOT writing that letter. That Alex's life is in His hands, NOT mine. And any last bit of worry about the start of Kindergarten was wiped from my brain. I knew at that moment that whatever hurdles we might face, God would handle them - they were NOT up to me to solve. If Alex's ADHD became an issue without medication, He would show us the correct plan. I didn't need to have everything figured out myself, because MY plan didn't matter anyway.
Will Alex and his new teacher get along perfectly? I'm sure not. Will he try and push her buttons? Absolutely. Will he get in trouble sometime during the year? Most definitely. Is she who my son is supposed to have? ABSOLUTELY. And that knowledge has given me permission to get out of the way. Fully out of the way. I don't know how to teach, but I have absolute faith that she does. And I know that I couldn't have picked the right teacher on my own. Because I don't have THE plan. Just another reminder to be still and wait on Him. Hopefully a reminder that will stay in my brain through the school year.
Hope everyone has a great day. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Love to all.
