Do you ever have one of those nights? One where you tell yourself over and over it doesn't matter what someone else thinks, but deep down it hurts your feelings? You remind yourself that your focus needs to ONLY be on the people that love and care for you, NOT on those that don't. But it's almost like an alcoholic longing for a drink and trying so hard to resist. Tonight is kind of like my "relapse".
See, I just found out that a friend, well, more like an acquaintance, has de-friended AND blocked me on Facebook. She had made a comment awhile back about wanting off my "crazy train", but I thought she was kidding. Guess she wasn't.....And even though my sweet hubby reminded me (and I agreed with him) that those are the people I shouldn't worry about.....well, I've been worrying about it. I started to let it get me down. And then it reminded me of the few people that had doubted my cancer "story" and how some of those people I still see. And I started going down the path to: how many people out there don't like me?
That's how the mind can work - you learn of one person who isn't on your side and you start thinking maybe she's right. Maybe I AM too much to handle....I mean, the word "craziness" is in the title of this blog. Maybe after all my updates for two years while I was sick, there are people who are just, well, sick and tired of me. Maybe I'd be a bit "over me" too if I was in their shoes. I am someone who notices all the weird things around me and I love to share those stories. Maybe that annoys some people. So, I start to wonder if I need to tailor that, change myself.
And then I hear the voice of a dear, dear friend (not just an acquaintance) who told me how much she'd missed me when I took a break from Facebook. How she felt like she didn't know what was going on and therefore couldn't share those stories with her husband. And another friend who told me I'd been missed on that same break. And another who said she'd missed the devotionals I would post. And another who said she had missed the silly "Alexisms" I'd share.
And all this has got me thinking: maybe I'm just one of those people who you either love or hate. I don't think there's any middle ground. Either you love my crazy, silly, sometimes-emotional, always-heartfelt updates OR they drive you crazy. And maybe at almost 41 years old, maybe it's time that I learned to accept that. Maybe it's time that I'm okay with just letting people go if I drive them nuts and embrace the ones who love me enough to put up with me. It's okay to admit that I'm a handful....but after giving it some thought, I think I'm a pretty awesome handful.
So, if there's anyone today, or recently, who has walked out of your life, just let them go, like I've had to do. If that person doesn't want to fully embrace who you are, that's okay. There are plenty of people in your life already that will. And there might even be someone right around the corner who has yet to learn how incredible you are. So, don't hold back - just be your normal, awesome self! Cause if you're reading this, I think you're pretty darn cool!
Thanks for being part of my life and all it's craziness. 😀💜🌻
