When I was in college, there was a rumor that went around that my sister's boyfriend (now husband) was part of the mob. His last name is Gamb and someone told someone else that it was short for Gambini - the notorious Italian mob family. Needless to say, it was completely untrue and totally ridiculous. But it took off for awhile and was quite an embarrassment to him, his family and my sister. Luckily, with time, it went away after awhile. But the damage was done....some people to this day believe that it just might be true. See, that's the thing about rumors. Once they are told, they can never be taken back. And they don't just hurt one person; it's like a ripple effect. This particular one was about my brother-in-law, but it effected not just him but several other people as well.
I was thinking about this story last night because of something Matt said to me. I was having a moment of frustration due to a rumor that had been started about me several months ago. As always the voice of reason, he told me not to worry about the few people that believed it and to put it out of my head. I told him it was easy for him to say since the rumor wasn't about him and it didn't effect him. He got irritated, rightly so, and told me it DID effect him because he was the one who had to deal with me when I was upset about it. Later on I thought about it more and I realized that it effected him in more ways than just that. If someone stated that I was a liar, then he would have to be one too. Since he lives with me and knows everything about me, if I was lying about something important, he would have to be just as untruthful. And that got me really frustrated; it's upsetting enough to have people say something about yourself, but your husband....well that's a whole other ball of wax. Say something about my hubby and it REALLY gets my back up.
Then I started thinking how this has also effected Alex. Due to the whole situation, he has lost a couple play mates and he's old enough to ask why. And I don't really know what to tell him so I just change the subject the best I can. Luckily he is blessed to have a ton of little friends so it hasn't impacted him too much, but it's still bothersome when he asks "why don't I play with so-and-so anymore?"
Then there are the friends who have inadvertently been caught in the middle and for them I feel sorry as well. I never want people to have to take sides and I hate that some have felt they have to. I only hope that if a friend hears this rumor being told that they would just change the subject so it's not repeated in their presence.
So, what's the moral of the story? Please, please, please think before you tell a story about someone else. Ask yourself: "am I 100% sure what I'm about to tell is the truth?", "is what I'm about to share going to bring someone up or tear them down?", "will this story effect a child?" and lastly "am I sharing this story because I've been hurt and want to hurt someone else?"
I won't begin to claim that I have never been involved in the gossip mill....I know for a fact that I have shared stories that I didn't know we're 100% true, that tore someone else down, that effected a child involved in the situation and that was told simply to hurt another individual. Am I proud of those things? Definitely not...especially now being on the other side. I know now how much it hurts, how frustrating it is to straighten out and how many people can be effected. It has given me a perspective I never had before...and maybe one I needed.
So, next time you feel like sharing a story you heard from a friend of a friend of a friend....please don't. You have no idea how far it will spread and how many people could be hurt. It's just not worth it. And just think, one of those people being effected could end up being someone you really care about.
Thanks for reading. God bless and Happy Easter!
