For the last couple of days, Alex has been fighting a cold and misbehaving at school. I've been trying to figure out if the two are related and if not, why he's been acting out. See, it can be hard to know when Alex is really under the weather because he never acts sick. There hasn't been ONE time that I've taken him to the doctor for a cold, ear ache, etc where the doctor HASN'T said "he doesn't look sick to me". He doesn't get tired, lethargic, whiny, or any of the "I don't feel well" attitudes the rest of us normally show. He stay his normal jumping, running, dancing-around-hyper-self. I wish I had a dollar for each time the doctor has checked his ears, expecting to find nothing, only to see he had a double ear infection.
So, I've been working with Alex on the need to communicate with the adults around him, specifically his teachers, when he feels bad. This was actually the last thing I reminded him yesterday when I dropped him off for school: "remember to tell your teacher if something doesn't feel good. Don't just act out and expect them to know why." Therefore, when I called to check on him around noon and got the following report, I was worried where the truth lay.
Turned out that Alex had been acting mean to his friends and he had been warned with going to the office. When asked why he was acting so poorly, his response was "I don't feel good." However, neither of his teachers believed him and I was told they thought he was saying it to get out of trouble. I was concerned which was the truth. Either Alex was actually lying to avoid punishment or I had a teacher not believing my son. And the only way I would know is by asking Alex himself.
I can imagine what you're thinking: He's not even five years old - how will you ever know if he's lying? Well, Matt and I, almost from birth (yes, exaggerating a bit) have stressed with Alex how important it is to tell the truth. We have hammered home how he will get in FAR more trouble for lying than for whatever 'bad' thing he might have done. We have both tried very hard to watch our reactions when he tells us something we might not want to hear, knowing that if we act upset, we might discourage this. We have always praised him for being honest even if it didn't get him anything in return. I know different parents have different things they worry about and for us it is having a child who is honest.
So, yesterday as I was driving to preschool, I was thinking how to approach Alex and ask him the truth. I decided if I wanted honesty, I would just be straightforward and honest with him. When I got there, I pulled up a chair next to him and said the following: "Alex, I know that today you got in trouble with your teachers and you told them you were acting out because you were sick. Now, you've never lied to me before, so I need to know the truth. Were you REALLY sick or did you say that to get out of trouble?" Without missing a beat, he said "to get out of trouble." I know it's kind of silly, but it was one of my proudest moments. I was SOOOOO happy that he told me the truth! It didn't change the fact that he had misbehaved (something I still I had to deal with), but when really put on the spot, with nothing to gain, he was honest with me. I couldn't wait to tell Matt!
See, the reason that it's so important for me to have an honest child, is because the one thing I hate the most is a liar. And if I can't stand a liar, I certainly don't want to be raising one. For a multitude of reasons I won't list today, I have an almost physical reaction to being lied to. I would rather you slap me in the face or run over my foot than lie to me. In my eyes, it is the ultimate betrayal.
This is probably why I had such an extreme reaction to being told at church that there was doubt about my miracle 'story'. Call me a lot of things: dramatic, check. Emotional, yep. Hot-headed, yes sir. Needy, can't deny it. But PLEASE, I beg of you, do not EVER call me a liar. Because I'm not one. And especially hearing it at church, a place I considered my 'safe-haven', my family....well, it hurt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I would have thought that anyone who read my blog would know that I am honest, often to a fault. I have shared things on this site that most people wouldn't dream of. Probably to the embarassment of my family, a couple times even to my own embarassment. But once I've thought about it, I have realized that I didn't need to be embarassed since I was always telling the truth. I wasn't using it to hurt anyone and normally I was just 'telling' on myself.
So, to have anyone question my integrity or honesty was incredibly hurtful and confusing to me. It made me want to run away and never go back. But then I realized that if I did leave the church, it would appear as if I WAS a liar. That if I had nothing to hide, I wasn't the one that needed to be ashamed crossing the threshold of God's building. Yes, people might have found it odd that I didn't share certain things about my cancer journey, but I shared what I NEEDED to share. I didn't talk about the medical details, because I had doctors and nurses for that. For me, the emotional side of the disease was what I needed to talk about. And for me, I used this blog and my Facebook page to get it off my chest. I didn't want to talk about it in person because I NEEDED, DESPERATELY NEEDED, that time to be my escape from cancer. If that seemed odd to people, of course they had the right to their opinion, but to question my truthfulness, well it felt really out of line.
There have been times since that day when I have wanted Matt to stand up in church to defend me. I have thought about taking pictures of my scars and showing them or taking pictures of my medical bills and posting them on this site or my Facebook page. But I knew those things were just an extreme reaction. Again, if I had nothing to hide, I had nothing to prove. But it doesn't stop the little voice in the back of my head that asks "how do I convince those people?" And yesterday after the situation at Alex's preschool, I got my answer.
Look at my son. See who he is. See the boy that we have raised. See the honest person that he is. Because even though yesterday on Facebook I posted that "it takes a village", those core values start at home. Honesty isn't taught at preschool or at church. It is taught by the parents. Yes, those other places, along with family and friends encourage those values, but they have to have a starting point. So, I strongly believe that Alex's honesty shows that his parents are honest people. And just like us, he is flawed. He can be hyper, doesn't sit still well, doesn't always listen, interrupts adults when he shouldn't and isn't a great eater. But he is, at his core, an HONEST child. And that is what makes me incredibly proud. Proud of him, and proud of his parents. It shows me that we are doing something right. And even if there are still people out there who doubt my 'story', Alex knows what the truth is. And he is following our example. And even if he goes on to invent something wonderful or cure cancer, if he stays an honest person, THAT is what will keep me one proud mama.
God bless you and thanks for reading. Hope you all have a great day. :-)
