In yesterday's blog I talked about how long I've been pondering my "purpose", what it is that God wants me to want. I mentioned how I'd thought about it, prayed about it, read different books about it and generally stressed over it. I was so happy when my husband told me clear as day that I was meant to write. It was like a light bulb went off and I had an 'ah hah' moment.
In the afternoon, after she had read my blog, a good friend sent me a joking message: "don't forget I was the one who told you to blog in the first place". I knew she was kidding around and wasn't looking for the credit, but it got me thinking. She WAS the one who gently nudged me (more than once) to start writing due to all the 'Alexisms' I'd post on Facebook. And she wasn't the only one....
There's the friend who at the beginning (when she knew I was nervous what people thought) commented something positive about EVERY.SINGLE.BLOG. She would tell me how great of a writer I was and how she wished she had my talent. I'm pretty sure she was blowing smoke, but it still was very nice of her.
Then there is the friend who encouraged me to keep writing even when I got some negative feedback about being too open with my cancer fight.
And the family member who told me that when she really wanted to know how I was doing/feeling that she would read my blog.
And the friend who would share my blog with her husband who wasn't on Facebook and to this day is my best critic.
And of course my friend who encouraged me time and time and time again to make sure I saved every blog for the one day I would write a book. And even sent me different online links and pages from the paper about how to start a writing career.
So, why did it take my husband telling me my purpose for me to FINALLY get it? Is it because his opinion ultimately means the most? Or because God had determined that was the day/time He was going to open my mind. For me it is probably a combination of both. 30 people can tell me they enjoyed what I wrote, but when Matt tells me the same thing, it means the most. It gives me the biggest rush. Because I know he would NEVER say it if it weren't true. That's just not his way. Therefore, in my mind, it's the highest compliment.
But the second part is just as important - God's timing. I think He knew that I was really, really, REALLY ready to understand His purpose for me. He knew that I was truly at the place to hear it, that my heart and mind were completely open to hearing from Him. And even though the words came from my husband, I know God was using him in that moment. To steer me forward. To guide my course.
So here I am, starting a new day, trying not to ask "what next?" Not quite sure what all this means, but just trying to take it as it comes. Maybe it will be just this...writing my random thoughts in a blog. And maybe that will be enough. But I'll take it day by day and keep my ears and eyes open for more signs from God. And maybe a few more words from my hubby. :-)
Thank you to each and every single one of you that have encouraged me on this journey. Sorry that I always didn't get it. Thank you for being patient with this hard headed girl. I'd obviously be lost without you all.
Hugs!
