For the past couple months, there have been some things I've been dealing with that have been bringing me down. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, but it seems like maybe God isn't hearing me. Or at least that's how I've felt. I've tried praying in my car, in bed, in the shower, on my knees, on the couch, at my desk, you name it, I've prayed there. I'll just randomly close my eyes and pray that God will show me what I'm supposed to be doing, what HE wants me to do. And all I've heard is silence. I'm left without a clue.
I've cried, I've pleaded, I've begged, I've demanded, I've tried making deals (if I do this or that, would He please give me an answer), I've been the martar, I've been the brat, you name it, I've tried it. And all I've heard is silence. And still left without a clue.
I've been sad, worried, angry, hurt, despondent, scared, mad, etc. And all I've heard is silence. And still left without a clue.
As you can see, what I've been doing hasn't been working. And then I was texting this morning with my sister-in-law (who I've always loved, but am totally adoring this morning) and she shared something very powerful. I don't think she could have had an idea of how greatly it would effect me. She texted: "Great power in His word. Phillipians 4:6". I told her I agreed, thanked her and we chatted a bit more. And then I went about my day. Until I started getting upset again about why I didn't know what His plan was. Why wasn't I hearing Him?
DUH!!!!!! is all I can say. Had I spent any time in His word like my sister-in-law had mentioned? Even one minute? I'm ashamed to say "no". Had I been doing a devotional? No. Had I even OPENED my Bible in search of answers? Big fat NO! Yet, I was almost indignant that I had not received the answers I was looking for. I thought I was being faithful by asking God to point me in the right direction, yet I was demanding it on MY terms. I was asking the questions and thought He should be answering me right then and there. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why He wasn't helping me.
But was I even trying to help myself? Sure, I was praying, but what else was I doing? Not much else. So, I decided to look up the verse that my sister-in-law had shared with me. Phillipians 4:6 "One God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." As I read this, it's saying to me that God has been there the whole time. He is in EVERY situation that I go through. He knows the outcome before I do. He has all the answers and is in charge over my entire life.
However, this verse does NOT say that He will SHARE all. He never states that He will give us all the answers we are looking for. As I read further down the page of my Bible, I found some verses I had previously highlighted and was struck deeply by chapter 5, verse 15: "Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil". As I read this, the word "unwise" leaped off the page at me. What does it mean to be wise versus unwise? Or maybe I should ask, how do we become wise? Well, when we are growing up, we become wise by going to school and learning. So, how do we become wise as Christians? By studying and learning from His word. Which I have not been doing.....Therefore, I have been unwise and that is why I have not been receiving the answers I have been looking for.
Sure, maybe I'm over simplfying things, but that's the only way I tend to "get it". I have to basically get hit over the head by the answer. And that's how it felt this morning. God was definitely telling me, through my sister-in-law, that I needed to be spending time in my Bible. I needed to be reading, searching, absorbing His words. I started panicing a bit that I didn't know where to start, but then He reminded me that it all started with one simple scripture verse and it brought me to others. Maybe there are days where I will just need to open the Bible at random and see where He leads me. That will definitely be better than not opening it at all. I'm also open to any devotionals that you guys have read that have helped you. I can definitely use all the guidance you're willing to offer.
So, today I feel better because I have a plan - READ MY BIBLE. Yep, I'm 41 years old and should probably have "gotten that" before now, but guess I'm a slow learner. :-) Hope everyone has a great day and that you receive all the answers you seek as well. God bless.
