October 16, 2004, Matt and I got married in an intimate ceremony with about 50 family members and friends. We were new to the area, Matt was growing his business, we wanted to buy a house and start a family soon, so we decided to keep things small. We chose Aldridge Gardens outside of Birmingham, AL for our location. I love the water, this beautiful site has a lake and I thought it would be perfect as the backdrop. I had grand plans in my head for some gorgeous pictures and was really excited for the day.
But as is the case with many weddings, a number of things went wrong. Due to the layout of the gardens, I came "up" the aisle from the opposite direction than is normal. Unfortunately, no one told Matt to turn around to watch my approach, so he didn't get to see my "glorious" entrance. Matt gets nervous in front of crowds (which I didn't learn til that day) so he spent the whole time with his leg shaking. I was worried he didn't want to go through with it and I almost stopped the minister to ask if he was okay. We have pictures with my arm around his back because I thought he was going to pass out. Our photographer, who had come HIGHLY recommended since he took pictures of Miss Alabama, somehow forgot how to take pictures that day. We have some great ones of just Matt and me, but no good ones of the family. We had worried about the rain, but instead of getting wet, the minister had the sun in his eyes the whole time so all the pictures are of him squinting. At the reception, they served the ice cream before the cake. Last, but not least, our guitarist/singer had to leave early due to a "family" emergency.
As you can tell, I remember all the "mistakes" from our wedding very well. Almost immediately afterwards, I started talking about one day renewing our vows. I wanted to re-do things so they were perfect. At the beginning, I talked about doing it at our five year anniversary. I gave in that that was unreasonable and focused on our ten year. However, as that approaches this October, I realize what a big mistake I've made all these years. And it's a mistake that I've made in many areas of my life. I've focused so much on what was "wrong" that I missed all the things that are "right".
I focused on the fact that the sun was too bright that day and it was a tad bit warm instead of how lucky we were to avoid any inclement weather. I focused on Matt not seeing my grand entrance instead of the look of joy on his face when he did finally see me. I worried so much about Matt NOT wanting to go through with the wedding instead of the fact that he was standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME saying his vows and pledging his love. I was so frustrated at the photographer for not getting better family pictures that sometimes I forgot to smile for the good ones. I was so annoyed at the hotel for "screwing up" the schedule of the wedding that I missed how much fun people were having. I was appalled that our entertainment was leaving early due to, well, let's just say something I didn't think called for her to leave, that I missed how people were congratulating us.
I'm sharing all this today because, I didn't just do it that day. I've done it many, many times over the past nine years. And it's something I'm not proud of. I can get so focused on the little negative things that I miss how lucky I am, how wonderful my life is, how blessed I am to have a loving, caring, devoted husband. That old saying: you miss the forest for the trees. Yep, that's me. It's something I've had people point out to me, but it's something you really have to see it and learn it for yourself.
Luckily, I started doing a new devotional about marriage and something in there hit me over the head like a ton of bricks. The book is 'Wife After God' and is written by the author of "Unveiled Wife', Jennifer Smith (she has a website, Facebook page and book devoted to being a more Godly wife). In the book she wrote "how do you get to 25 years of marriage if you can't give your husband a break for 25 minutes?" That's when it hit me: I've been so focused on getting to ten years so we could do a vow renewal, that I was losing site of how I was acting in the here and now. What if, because how I can be the negative Nelly, my husband wouldn't want to stand up and speak those vows again? I hope I'm not THAT bad, but sometimes I have to look at the hard truth to really get God's point.
Today He was telling me that I need to:
appreciate more and nit-pick less
be happy more, sad less
be content more often, worry less
be more thankful, less ungrateful
find more joy and less unhappiness
laugh more, complain less
Most importanly, I need to remember to live in the moment and stop worrying about what went wrong in the past and what could happen in the future. Today I am blessed that I woke up in a warm house with a Godly man beside me and an adorable son in the other room. Just those things are more than numerous people have. It's about time I stopped looking at the wrong and focusing solely on the right. That's what God is speaking to my heart, so I best pay attention. I don't want to waste one more day missing out on all His glory.
God bless you all and I hope you have a JOY-FILLED day! Thanks for reading.
